Keeping it Sane

I've written this article quite some time ago. But perhaps it is good to share for those who are (or who are going to get)involved in the cruel business/office world out there. Most people start small, probably picking up a job role that isn't that satisfying or that up to your expectations in the beginning. And you probably end up wondering if your dreams are being destroyed or ruined. But I guess it is part of the whole process. No doubt some people may start big and shine in an early stage, however, I guess it is quite common to start working as someone's bitch or servant as a starter.

So here goes my article, it is written from my own perspective and it was what I felt at that period and at that time:

Stress causes me to over react. But what really causes my stress and how should I react to it to make situations less stressful?

It's my boss. Everything about him disgusts me (well maybe not everything, but most of the time, he reminds me of evil and negativity). He is a selfish person, a blamer, a liar and he takes pleasure bullying the weak. The negative remarks, the finger pointing, mocking and habit of pressing other people's buttons might be the cause of the mixture of negative feelings in him. And perhaps these cruel actions build up and grow in him as guilt and stress vibes which results to heavier and more aggressive release of negative expressions and actions from him. Thus this chain reaction of negativity goes round and round endlessly.

He gives me alot of pain in the little evil acts that he does, even when some of them might not involve me. Perhaps it is because of the fact that he is my boss which makes me somewhat influenced by his thoughts and actions. Perhaps it is due to the fact that he's my boss that I indirectly feel that I am being controlled, manipulated, mistreated and bullied by a BAD person. And as a result, I also indirectly feel financially pressured.

With his presence around, it is hard to avoid the stressful and negative vibes that he releases whether through mental or verbal torture - whether directly or indirectly, whether in sarcasm or in a straight forward manner. I loathe people who takes pride and pleasure bullying the weak and sometimes I secretly hope that he perishes in hell anytime soon but, who am I to judge? Perhaps such thoughts make me no better than him.

When he is around, I get very pressured. Maybe it is due to jealousy that he prefers other staffs. Or maybe I'm not satisfied with my pay and the treatment that I receive from him. And after so much of stress and efforts put in my works, he does not seem to treat me any better or show any appreciation in terms of payment or promotion. Maybe it is due to these causes that I start to feel that I do not belong, and that I deserve a better place. And during these moments, I constantly feel the vibes of hopes rising then being destroyed with every expectation transforming into disappointment. And these mixtures of rise and fall build up even more pressure in me, which urges me to strive harder to perform better. And with all these complications happening in thoughts and indecisive planning that often occurs, I end up becoming impulsive at times and may over react easily by becoming a public drama queen. So perhaps, perhaps I should not put too much pressure on myself, perhaps I should not push myself so heavily. But the thing is I never like to fall back in my environment, whether in my studies or work. I always desire to be successful and ahead of others. Thus as a habit, I like to push myself to reach out further and try to improve my performance to get noticed, to earn credit, to shine and to stand out from the rest. But the process is very stressful and it is not easy to achieve such goals. One must go through lots of hardship to get there, even if it might mean regular emotional torture. So how can I stop myself from reaching out for my dreams and desires? How do I control myself from my hunger for power and recognition? I refuse to give up. So what can I do to prevent myself from these mental and emotional torture and yet fulfill my dreams?

Maybe I should rely on destiny. Maybe I should simply be satisfied with my current state and be comfortable taking things slow. Maybe I should stop rushing myself and instead allow myself to eat up more time taking baby steps instead of rushing myself to fly and soar. When my time comes, it will come. And even if it does not, then, perhaps I should start moving my focus to other aspects of my life.

Perhaps for now, I should let myself ride the tides and just let loose - let destiny decide where the tide heads. Perhaps I should let God decide what's best for me.

Career is just one side of life and business can be very inhumane. Maybe I should start seeking peace from my heart, mind and soul by allowing myself to indulge in relaxation, spending more time with my family, allowing myself to enjoy entertainment and start to pursue a healthy lifestyle (instead of letting my career eat my soul up). I hope that this article is a reminder for myself (or even others) that it is UNWORTHY to let our careers destroy my love towards what I truly enjoy and treasure in life - including the important people that I truly care about. Take a balance. Control your life by protecting your soul, and don't let society control you.

Love,
zyan.