曾經說出 今生不愛妳
我共妳是 但有份 沒有緣
情切是妳 痴痴相戀
將心中愛念 為我捐
如今我竟 竟將心意轉
那份愛念 沒有盡 沒有完
輪到妳 不啾不睬
心中的愛念 盡化煙 能否改變
還想再等 沒法息愛念
但偏偏妳 回頭也倦
煩惱是我 流淚更無言
情逝去 不再留半點
誰可以將 將光陰倒轉
再讓往日 復現眼前
能再共妳 漫步田園
心中的愛念 為妳牽 求可改變
Monday, 10 May 2010
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Abandoned
...is what this blog has been. It has been awhile since anyone has updated this blog and I am sure we all have a thing or two to say don't we?
I'll go first. Everyone don't be surprised cause I saw it coming and some of you may have already known. I've failed my April exam and yes, it was hard! Exactly what I've said earlier. I'll have to resit it next April..woohoo!!!
Guess what I've been up to? I've been studying for another set of exams which is just around the corner!! Double woohoo!! I am so sad right?
Over the past few months I've been feeling very old. My body aches very much due to the stressful lifestyle and I am thinking of acupuncture. Does it hurt? Shall I go for a professional massage? I've got someone to massage me but it doesn't help that much =(
Oh yeah, has anything good happened to anyone? Share! Share! Share!
P.s. Congrats to adr-yan for getting a job! How's it going?
MY
I'll go first. Everyone don't be surprised cause I saw it coming and some of you may have already known. I've failed my April exam and yes, it was hard! Exactly what I've said earlier. I'll have to resit it next April..woohoo!!!
Guess what I've been up to? I've been studying for another set of exams which is just around the corner!! Double woohoo!! I am so sad right?
Over the past few months I've been feeling very old. My body aches very much due to the stressful lifestyle and I am thinking of acupuncture. Does it hurt? Shall I go for a professional massage? I've got someone to massage me but it doesn't help that much =(
Oh yeah, has anything good happened to anyone? Share! Share! Share!
P.s. Congrats to adr-yan for getting a job! How's it going?
MY
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Happy Birthday!!
This is my first time being away for my dad's birthday and it sucks that this year is different. I was lucky to be home every summer during my time in university but I guess time has changed now that I am working.
Dee, I wish you good health, happiness and an abundance of wealth. Love you!!!
P.S. Congrats to adr-yan for getting a job so quickly!! All the best!! ;)
MY
Dee, I wish you good health, happiness and an abundance of wealth. Love you!!!
P.S. Congrats to adr-yan for getting a job so quickly!! All the best!! ;)
MY
Sunday, 12 July 2009
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Last night I came back home around 11.30pm and had shower before watching a replay of Michael Jackson's memorial.
In between the show I went to the toilet. I smelled a faint smell of smoke but at that time I thought it was the strong smell from the Dettol shower gel I was using and thus went back to my room to proceed with MJ's memorial service.
Fell asleep and got up to went to the loo again at 2am. This time there was definitely a stronger smoke smell but thought my nose was playing tricks on me. Woke flatmate up to reconfirm the smell and checked that our flat wasnt on fire. True enough it wasnt.
Then, we looked out at living room and saw the block adjacent to ours burning in flames. Trying to stay calm, we quickly put on warmer clothes and treasure hunt for our passports and wallets.
After we got out of our flat, rain was pouring hard on us and the main road has been blocked by a countless number of ambulances, police cars, fire trucks and a whole lot of other emergency services supporters.
We asked a bystander what was going on and he said that a pub by the corner caught fire two hours ago. Two hours?! I happily took a shower, watched MJ's memorial service and even went to sleep while the pub was burning away. We stood a few feet away and watched and that was all we could do.
I was watching the scene. More fire trucks arriving, ambulances whisking people onto it and speeding away, firemen putting on their full gears, people in bathrobes and slippers, people being rescued from their windows.
Then it just hit me that the pub was right opposite Shell. Yes, a petrol station. And then I started to panic and watched the scene in horror. A few minutes of standing dumb-struck, the police told us to back away but we had no where to go. It was raining hard and we needed to pee (cant help it as nature calls whenever it wants to =S).
Oddly enough, our block was not evacuated and we could still go back to our flats and we decided to take a quick toilet trip. Back in the flat, we could hear loud hammering, people shouting and torch lights shining randomly behind our courtyard.
We had a good view of the fire and we could see that it was just one side of the flat that was burning. It would take a strong wind, a huge fire and a long time (enough notice for us to make a cuppa tea before getting to safety) for the fire to come our at our direction.
We saw the whole process of the firemen getting to the rear of the building by breaking walls and windows to try and put out the fire from the back of the building. Then the fire got worse. The pub was on the ground floor but flats above were catching fire. Things seem to have gotten worst and we could see thick black clouds of smoke.
I watched the behind the scenes from my living room and was praying that the fire would quickly be put off and that no one got hurt. At around 4am, the fire had been successfully put off (from my view anyway) and sleep was calling for me.
I went to sleep and got up every hour to check that the fire was still out. Only smoke was coming out from the building and the firemen were still around. Around 10am I was woken up by loud sirens again. Looked out of my room window and saw an ambulance leave. There were still a number of fire trucks, police cars, etc hanging around. Looked like they never left and never stopped what they were doing.
After lunch, we decided to go take a look outside. There were still police on duty and they were not letting anyone get near the scene. Did they stand there the whole night and day? The entire main road was still blocked. This place was never this quiet. Lidl, the supermarket next to Shell is closed until further notice as the entire car park has been taken over by every rescue force. I saw two news truck with their big satellite dish.
As I am typing this at 5 ish in the evening, there are lesser fire trucks, police cars, ambulances, etc around but the firemen are still investigating the source of the fire. I can still see them at work.
You can see some pictures here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8146504.stm
and the news here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8146354.stm
Got to go rest as it has been a long day. Sorry for the chaotic blog entry.
Signing off,
MY
In between the show I went to the toilet. I smelled a faint smell of smoke but at that time I thought it was the strong smell from the Dettol shower gel I was using and thus went back to my room to proceed with MJ's memorial service.
Fell asleep and got up to went to the loo again at 2am. This time there was definitely a stronger smoke smell but thought my nose was playing tricks on me. Woke flatmate up to reconfirm the smell and checked that our flat wasnt on fire. True enough it wasnt.
Then, we looked out at living room and saw the block adjacent to ours burning in flames. Trying to stay calm, we quickly put on warmer clothes and treasure hunt for our passports and wallets.
After we got out of our flat, rain was pouring hard on us and the main road has been blocked by a countless number of ambulances, police cars, fire trucks and a whole lot of other emergency services supporters.
We asked a bystander what was going on and he said that a pub by the corner caught fire two hours ago. Two hours?! I happily took a shower, watched MJ's memorial service and even went to sleep while the pub was burning away. We stood a few feet away and watched and that was all we could do.
I was watching the scene. More fire trucks arriving, ambulances whisking people onto it and speeding away, firemen putting on their full gears, people in bathrobes and slippers, people being rescued from their windows.
Then it just hit me that the pub was right opposite Shell. Yes, a petrol station. And then I started to panic and watched the scene in horror. A few minutes of standing dumb-struck, the police told us to back away but we had no where to go. It was raining hard and we needed to pee (cant help it as nature calls whenever it wants to =S).
Oddly enough, our block was not evacuated and we could still go back to our flats and we decided to take a quick toilet trip. Back in the flat, we could hear loud hammering, people shouting and torch lights shining randomly behind our courtyard.
We had a good view of the fire and we could see that it was just one side of the flat that was burning. It would take a strong wind, a huge fire and a long time (enough notice for us to make a cuppa tea before getting to safety) for the fire to come our at our direction.
We saw the whole process of the firemen getting to the rear of the building by breaking walls and windows to try and put out the fire from the back of the building. Then the fire got worse. The pub was on the ground floor but flats above were catching fire. Things seem to have gotten worst and we could see thick black clouds of smoke.
I watched the behind the scenes from my living room and was praying that the fire would quickly be put off and that no one got hurt. At around 4am, the fire had been successfully put off (from my view anyway) and sleep was calling for me.
I went to sleep and got up every hour to check that the fire was still out. Only smoke was coming out from the building and the firemen were still around. Around 10am I was woken up by loud sirens again. Looked out of my room window and saw an ambulance leave. There were still a number of fire trucks, police cars, etc hanging around. Looked like they never left and never stopped what they were doing.
After lunch, we decided to go take a look outside. There were still police on duty and they were not letting anyone get near the scene. Did they stand there the whole night and day? The entire main road was still blocked. This place was never this quiet. Lidl, the supermarket next to Shell is closed until further notice as the entire car park has been taken over by every rescue force. I saw two news truck with their big satellite dish.
As I am typing this at 5 ish in the evening, there are lesser fire trucks, police cars, ambulances, etc around but the firemen are still investigating the source of the fire. I can still see them at work.
You can see some pictures here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8146504.stm
and the news here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8146354.stm
Got to go rest as it has been a long day. Sorry for the chaotic blog entry.
Signing off,
MY
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Keeping it Sane
I've written this article quite some time ago. But perhaps it is good to share for those who are (or who are going to get)involved in the cruel business/office world out there. Most people start small, probably picking up a job role that isn't that satisfying or that up to your expectations in the beginning. And you probably end up wondering if your dreams are being destroyed or ruined. But I guess it is part of the whole process. No doubt some people may start big and shine in an early stage, however, I guess it is quite common to start working as someone's bitch or servant as a starter.
So here goes my article, it is written from my own perspective and it was what I felt at that period and at that time:
Stress causes me to over react. But what really causes my stress and how should I react to it to make situations less stressful?
It's my boss. Everything about him disgusts me (well maybe not everything, but most of the time, he reminds me of evil and negativity). He is a selfish person, a blamer, a liar and he takes pleasure bullying the weak. The negative remarks, the finger pointing, mocking and habit of pressing other people's buttons might be the cause of the mixture of negative feelings in him. And perhaps these cruel actions build up and grow in him as guilt and stress vibes which results to heavier and more aggressive release of negative expressions and actions from him. Thus this chain reaction of negativity goes round and round endlessly.
He gives me alot of pain in the little evil acts that he does, even when some of them might not involve me. Perhaps it is because of the fact that he is my boss which makes me somewhat influenced by his thoughts and actions. Perhaps it is due to the fact that he's my boss that I indirectly feel that I am being controlled, manipulated, mistreated and bullied by a BAD person. And as a result, I also indirectly feel financially pressured.
With his presence around, it is hard to avoid the stressful and negative vibes that he releases whether through mental or verbal torture - whether directly or indirectly, whether in sarcasm or in a straight forward manner. I loathe people who takes pride and pleasure bullying the weak and sometimes I secretly hope that he perishes in hell anytime soon but, who am I to judge? Perhaps such thoughts make me no better than him.
When he is around, I get very pressured. Maybe it is due to jealousy that he prefers other staffs. Or maybe I'm not satisfied with my pay and the treatment that I receive from him. And after so much of stress and efforts put in my works, he does not seem to treat me any better or show any appreciation in terms of payment or promotion. Maybe it is due to these causes that I start to feel that I do not belong, and that I deserve a better place. And during these moments, I constantly feel the vibes of hopes rising then being destroyed with every expectation transforming into disappointment. And these mixtures of rise and fall build up even more pressure in me, which urges me to strive harder to perform better. And with all these complications happening in thoughts and indecisive planning that often occurs, I end up becoming impulsive at times and may over react easily by becoming a public drama queen. So perhaps, perhaps I should not put too much pressure on myself, perhaps I should not push myself so heavily. But the thing is I never like to fall back in my environment, whether in my studies or work. I always desire to be successful and ahead of others. Thus as a habit, I like to push myself to reach out further and try to improve my performance to get noticed, to earn credit, to shine and to stand out from the rest. But the process is very stressful and it is not easy to achieve such goals. One must go through lots of hardship to get there, even if it might mean regular emotional torture. So how can I stop myself from reaching out for my dreams and desires? How do I control myself from my hunger for power and recognition? I refuse to give up. So what can I do to prevent myself from these mental and emotional torture and yet fulfill my dreams?
Maybe I should rely on destiny. Maybe I should simply be satisfied with my current state and be comfortable taking things slow. Maybe I should stop rushing myself and instead allow myself to eat up more time taking baby steps instead of rushing myself to fly and soar. When my time comes, it will come. And even if it does not, then, perhaps I should start moving my focus to other aspects of my life.
Perhaps for now, I should let myself ride the tides and just let loose - let destiny decide where the tide heads. Perhaps I should let God decide what's best for me.
Career is just one side of life and business can be very inhumane. Maybe I should start seeking peace from my heart, mind and soul by allowing myself to indulge in relaxation, spending more time with my family, allowing myself to enjoy entertainment and start to pursue a healthy lifestyle (instead of letting my career eat my soul up). I hope that this article is a reminder for myself (or even others) that it is UNWORTHY to let our careers destroy my love towards what I truly enjoy and treasure in life - including the important people that I truly care about. Take a balance. Control your life by protecting your soul, and don't let society control you.
Love,
zyan.
So here goes my article, it is written from my own perspective and it was what I felt at that period and at that time:
Stress causes me to over react. But what really causes my stress and how should I react to it to make situations less stressful?
It's my boss. Everything about him disgusts me (well maybe not everything, but most of the time, he reminds me of evil and negativity). He is a selfish person, a blamer, a liar and he takes pleasure bullying the weak. The negative remarks, the finger pointing, mocking and habit of pressing other people's buttons might be the cause of the mixture of negative feelings in him. And perhaps these cruel actions build up and grow in him as guilt and stress vibes which results to heavier and more aggressive release of negative expressions and actions from him. Thus this chain reaction of negativity goes round and round endlessly.
He gives me alot of pain in the little evil acts that he does, even when some of them might not involve me. Perhaps it is because of the fact that he is my boss which makes me somewhat influenced by his thoughts and actions. Perhaps it is due to the fact that he's my boss that I indirectly feel that I am being controlled, manipulated, mistreated and bullied by a BAD person. And as a result, I also indirectly feel financially pressured.
With his presence around, it is hard to avoid the stressful and negative vibes that he releases whether through mental or verbal torture - whether directly or indirectly, whether in sarcasm or in a straight forward manner. I loathe people who takes pride and pleasure bullying the weak and sometimes I secretly hope that he perishes in hell anytime soon but, who am I to judge? Perhaps such thoughts make me no better than him.
When he is around, I get very pressured. Maybe it is due to jealousy that he prefers other staffs. Or maybe I'm not satisfied with my pay and the treatment that I receive from him. And after so much of stress and efforts put in my works, he does not seem to treat me any better or show any appreciation in terms of payment or promotion. Maybe it is due to these causes that I start to feel that I do not belong, and that I deserve a better place. And during these moments, I constantly feel the vibes of hopes rising then being destroyed with every expectation transforming into disappointment. And these mixtures of rise and fall build up even more pressure in me, which urges me to strive harder to perform better. And with all these complications happening in thoughts and indecisive planning that often occurs, I end up becoming impulsive at times and may over react easily by becoming a public drama queen. So perhaps, perhaps I should not put too much pressure on myself, perhaps I should not push myself so heavily. But the thing is I never like to fall back in my environment, whether in my studies or work. I always desire to be successful and ahead of others. Thus as a habit, I like to push myself to reach out further and try to improve my performance to get noticed, to earn credit, to shine and to stand out from the rest. But the process is very stressful and it is not easy to achieve such goals. One must go through lots of hardship to get there, even if it might mean regular emotional torture. So how can I stop myself from reaching out for my dreams and desires? How do I control myself from my hunger for power and recognition? I refuse to give up. So what can I do to prevent myself from these mental and emotional torture and yet fulfill my dreams?
Maybe I should rely on destiny. Maybe I should simply be satisfied with my current state and be comfortable taking things slow. Maybe I should stop rushing myself and instead allow myself to eat up more time taking baby steps instead of rushing myself to fly and soar. When my time comes, it will come. And even if it does not, then, perhaps I should start moving my focus to other aspects of my life.
Perhaps for now, I should let myself ride the tides and just let loose - let destiny decide where the tide heads. Perhaps I should let God decide what's best for me.
Career is just one side of life and business can be very inhumane. Maybe I should start seeking peace from my heart, mind and soul by allowing myself to indulge in relaxation, spending more time with my family, allowing myself to enjoy entertainment and start to pursue a healthy lifestyle (instead of letting my career eat my soul up). I hope that this article is a reminder for myself (or even others) that it is UNWORTHY to let our careers destroy my love towards what I truly enjoy and treasure in life - including the important people that I truly care about. Take a balance. Control your life by protecting your soul, and don't let society control you.
Love,
zyan.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
The Next Big Step
How do you know when you are ready? How do you know if it is the right time? How do you know if he or she is the right person? How do you know if are doing the right thing?
No one knows. All we have to do is to decide whether or not to be risk takers. To step out of our comfort zone and face whatever comes because not everything is under our control.
Right now I am taking the next step but deep down I am freaking out. Afraid that things will go ugly and that there is no turning back.
I hate uncertainties. Or more like I do not have the courage to overcome whatever the obstacles are ahead.
No one knows. All we have to do is to decide whether or not to be risk takers. To step out of our comfort zone and face whatever comes because not everything is under our control.
Right now I am taking the next step but deep down I am freaking out. Afraid that things will go ugly and that there is no turning back.
I hate uncertainties. Or more like I do not have the courage to overcome whatever the obstacles are ahead.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
They say people change...
...but you never will.
Excuses given one after another. Truth surfaces after lies. Feelings of anger and hurt are felt right after short pangs of happiness. The button is left on repeat mode.
I want to get out of this vicious cycle. If only I am stronger.
Excuses given one after another. Truth surfaces after lies. Feelings of anger and hurt are felt right after short pangs of happiness. The button is left on repeat mode.
I want to get out of this vicious cycle. If only I am stronger.
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